It would be in vain for you look for me
in the dusty fragments of the past,
they have been eroded by time

Nor will you find me in an anthology of poems
written by an ignorant poet
in an old diktat
or in a thick, crowded book
or in a library’s proud glass display case
whose the door is locked to bar anonymous readers

Even though in the past I existed
and was described by name, I also disappeared,
drowned, disappeared in a pile of valium,
amphetamines and the foam of words.

From city to city
I looked for myself,
but I couldn’t find anything

But there were times you find my soul,
writhing in the graffiti on the body of the train car,
on walls along highways or scribbled wild; untitled poetry
on the floor of subway stations, cafe toilets
and a number of signs in ancient caves

Your eyes look at the twilight horizon
the question comes out of your mouth

“If reincarnation really existed
And you had its miracle to come upon you.
What would you want to become again?”

(There are those who want to be incarnated
like Zarathustra, Dewi Kwan Im, Julius Caesar, Sisyphus,
Admiral Hang Tuah, I La Galigo, Superman,
Saint Peter, Doraemon; “You can shout all you want!”)

All I want is to be a bookmark tucked away
in a book, touching your fingertips; you,
tucking me in between pages covered in letters,
entering event after event, jumping through time,
accompanying you through the silence,
as you look for the you that you have lost.

Amien Kamil studied at Cinematografi Academy of the Jakarta Arts Institute, joined with Bengkel Theatre Rendra and participated in “The First New York International Festival Of The Arts” also attending Peter Schuman’s “Bread & Puppet Theatre”, workshop in Vermont. He has had two anthologies of poetry published in Indonesia and his work appears widely in theater and performances there. Amien has had numerous international appearances in Europe, Central Asia and North Africa, and has recently appeared at the Medellin International Poetry Festival and at the Cairo International Experimental Theatre Festival in Egypt.